Odelat och fyllt

"Human relationships were strange. I mean, you were with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stopped. Then there was a short period when you weren’t with anybody, then another woman arrived, and you ate with her and fucked her, and it all seemed so normal, as if you had been waiting just for her and she had been waiting for you. I never felt right being alone; sometimes it felt good but it never felt right."

— Charles Bukowski, Women

Kände att det saknades något - eller något som ville ut - obetydligt. Har inte hittat någon ny kanal att sända i. Famlar i tankarna för det är många. Hjärtat bultar här inne i bröstet odelat och fyllt. Det är bra. Ensamt. Men bra.

"Whatever he began by saying he would end by saying nothing. He would say something and she would say something and before either of them knew it they would be playing out a dialogue so familiar that it drained the imagination, blocked the will, allowed them to drop words and whole sentences and still arrive at the cold conclusion. ‘Oh Christ,’ he would say. ‘I felt good today, really good for a change, you fixed that, you really pricked that balloon. 

— Joan Didion, Play It as It Lays

Jepp så ska det va. Så med hon. Kom nu.

"Nearly always he felt he was in love on his first night with a woman. It happened quickly; as they drank and talked and glanced at menus. It lasted for months, weeks, sometimes days. He touched Susan’s cheek and said: ‘Maybe I should court you. Bring you flowers. Hold your hand in movies. Take you to restaurants, and on picnics. Kiss you good night at your door.’"

— Andre Dubus, Falling in Love

Bra där, att ge sig själv i lagom stora presenter redan från början. Känslan när du får en spontan gåva ett vindlande och presonligt förtroende i present. Den känslan är fin.